Have you ever looked back and seen how something that happened in the past has informed who you are, how you are and what you’re doing now? Last week’s ‘Calling it Out!’ did some of that for me.
My post was inspired by a talk I gave and by working with a business mentor who’s hot on writing from your deep-down-intuitive-self. And when I say deep-down I mean deeeeeeep-down!
The work reminded me of another pivotal time in my life. Prior to the event I’d had an intellectual understanding that I might be something more than body, mind and feelings. How little I knew…
I wanted to be a Clinical Psychologist, late twenties early thirties, but during a behaviouristic psychology degree I felt desperately disappointed and disillusioned. What I was learning had little to do with how I experienced myself and others as human beings.
If that’s what it was about…W T F! Being a Clinical Psychologist became an absolute no-no. I felt let down and deflated as my dream and potential identity evaporated like so much steam.
At the same time my ex failed a business so spectacularly we and our children were penniless and about to lose our home. As you might imagine, I wasn’t just fearful… I was terrified about the future.
What freakin’ future?
In the midst of a maelstrom, surviving, working, selling our home and down-sizing, I got lost. I was a wind-me-up robot going through the motions of things. Keeping myself busy-busy to avoid thinking and feeling my awful feelings until eventually…
I became clinically depressed and suicidal. Too much too much! An overwhelming all-encompassing black blanket enveloped me.
No way out big time!
Waking early one summer morning I went downstairs for water. As I stepped into the kitchen, our south-facing glass back door exploded metaphorically with unbelievably powerful sun rays. Magnified, they streamed energetically into the kitchen and through me like I was in an epic biblical movie.
I dropped to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably with what felt like relief.
And, in my head, I heard, ‘I’ve been fighting for you!’
I realised I was so not alone but this energy within me, a spark of the divine, was totally but totally on my side. It called me to not just live but freakin’ well live my truth with purpose, meaning, passion and power.
My being throbbed viscerally, sensational ripple after ripple, and I sobbed even more now with deep-blue-sea gratitude.
THIS was who I AM and my TRUTH to inspire others to their own I AM-NESS and their own TRUTH.
Deliciously, nothing but nothing has ever been the same since…
Love to you…
PS. Don’t hang about! Your life is too freakin’ precious to put it on hold. Yeah… I know you’re scared just like I was.
But when you connect with yourself and your truth, well, here’s what a recent client told me… ‘I never dreamed I could be who I really was in a few sessions and feel such peace….’
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