Once upon a time, in my twenties plus, I played respectable suburban wife and mother, chair of the Parents Association, ran an organisational service for small businesses and was an all-round baleboste and ‘good girl.’
With hindsight, I was as bored as hell and to say I felt unsettled is an understatement… I was what I call ‘living dead!’
W T F!
Some of my energies are innovator, maverick and empress. So no wonder…
There were times when I wanted to rip my chest open and let out an almighty wailing that had no start nor finish. One continuous banshee wail from my guts…
Not denoting someone was about to die but that I was dying… slowly… painfully… incrementally… day by day.
As Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, once said, ‘The most common form of despair is not knowing who you are.’
Depression followed depression until that pivotal moment I wrote about in ‘FREAKIN’ FAITH’. That’s when I began to realise who I am and learn the gifts I was meant to bring to the world.
That’s part of why I trained as a psychotherapist all those years ago; a manifestation of what I’m here for which has changed and grown over the years.
As I write the above paragraphs, I feel myself going sleepy. I could so lie down on the couch, close my eyes and drift off deliciously into oblivion. Part of my personality would rather not have the divine knowing of who I am and my mission on earth.
It means response-ability. It means visibility. It means not wasting the goddess given calling I’ve been assigned.
So, let’s go comatose and pretend I’ve not been called. Stay-small-Sharon-stay-small-Sharon-stay-small!
Well, even if I could forget my awakening, the underlying dis-ease would return. It’s like a divine itch that, however much you scratch, won’t go away until you pay attention to your soul’s urgings for your truth, for you to be you.
Doesn’t necessarily mean you go public with whatever that is. That’s my journey. Yours could be totally different.
You could become a fantastic cook to nourish people through gorgeous food. I’d be the first in the queue for cooking as only you can do it!
You could become an artist and fill your home with visual gorgeousness. Again, I’ll be first in the queue for art as only you can do it!
You could become a superb listener so that those who experience your listening feel witnessed, heard and loved. For definite, I’ll be the first in the queue for being listened to as only you can do it!
Whatever way your truth, you being you, gets expressed, you’ll feel at peace.
You’ll feel as though your particular penny has well and truly dropped and your life has meaning and purpose.
You’ll feel joy when people relish your food or your visual art or your listening… or whatever your truth, you being you, brings to the world.
If you feel bored, if you feel ‘living dead,’ if you feel unsettled, if you want to wail, if you feel despair or depressed or have a divine itch no scratching on earth will satisfy… weigh it up.
That… or you learning to be you?
Love to you…