I’m in overwhelm!

I scrolled through social media this morning and it seemed as if every second post was a loud voiced video, mostly American, inciting me to earn a seven figure sum by signing up with them.

Or learn how to triple my sales or exponentially increase my sign-ups or live an international rock-star life by buying their product/doing their masterclass /taking their course.

It reminded me of when I so wanted to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. The young teenagers who wore the ‘right’ clothes, knew about the pop chart and how to dance the latest craze.

Truth is I was none of the above.

A serious girl who’d rather have her nose in a book; a brilliant escape from a bewildering world. Lost, not knowing the ways to behave or things to do to have the ‘glamorous’ life of my peers.

No wonder I feel in overwhelm!

It wasn’t my way then… And it isn’t now.

Sure I’d love to have oodles of money. Who wouldn’t? And oh the wondrous things I’d be able to do with it!

But I’m not going to run with the crowd to get it.

I’ve been to those events full of wannabees. For goddess sake, I once tried unsuccessfully to be one of them!

Plastic smiles. Eyes roaming the room as they talk with you to see who else more important (to them) they can find. Slickly dressed and vacuous conversation unless they see a sale in you.

What the hell is going on with me?

I stop.

Take stock.

And cry.

The sensitive-creative in me can’t bear this ‘fake’ world. It’s so alien, painful and cold.

What she wants is authenticity. What she wants is relationship with people who, when you look into their eyes, you see depth and company. People who aren’t wannabees because they know how to be themselves.

Women who dress their own way. Women who stand in their power. Women who know who they are and what they’re here for. Women who know their value.

FREAKIN’ GOT IT…

Knowing the extent of my value is my cutting edge right now!

The current spiral turn in my own evolution.

How many times have you heard me say that I’m a shit-hot Psychotherapist-Alchemist-Guide? And yet, it’s really only now, this minute, that I realise the worth of the deep and transformative gifts I carry.

And I cry again… This time with recognition.

My fear was if I took on board the riches of my value I’d turn into one of those loud-voiced American videos.  What a good fear to have to guard against grandiosity. What a terrible fear to have to guard against you shining as brightly as you can.

ENOUGH…

I need to sit with this, allow it to marinate and then integrate as the beautiful upgrade of my value that it is.

I am so much more than I thought I was…

And so are you!

Love to you…

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Photo by Daoudi Aissa on Unsplash.

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