I feel so angry.

When I closed my desktop last night it had an ‘update and shut down’ sign which I clicked as normal, thinking nothing of it. This morning I opened up to an updated Windows system without Outlook without Dropbox without Word without my existing passwords, information etc. etc. etc.

Totally wiped!

How dare they?

I feel the powerlessness of a child who was done to. Her terrified rabbit caught in the headlights. Her legs buckling under her.


This is not what I want to write about.

I’ve had it with powerlessness.

While I haven’t backed up my desktop for as long as I can remember… mea culpa … I do have some hard copy records and a great IT Wizard.

This can be sorted. Not perfectly but good enough!

I breathe more slowly, soothe my child, grab my divine feminine cojones and stand in my power as a woman again.

Thrown for a few minutes that seemed like hours… Now back again.

And I cry.

I cry for the powerless child, the powerless teenager and the powerless young woman I was. Alone with my toddler son in my-finger-tips-on-the-edge-of-a-cliff situation day after day.

That’s heavy duty shit next to which, in the great scheme of things, a computer fuck-up pales into insignificance!

It’s a puky cliché but if only I’d known then what I know now. If only I’d known how to manifest what I desired…


The ‘if onlys’ make you disappear with shedloads of regret right up your you-know-what.


And right now I can manifest Chris, my IT star, AND as the system’s about 12 years old it might be time to manifest a new one instead. Or not…

I’ll choose.     

Now that’s liberation!

Love to you…

PS. ‘Do it do it… because you will work on things you think you want to change and you will discover much more good stuff!’ MK USA

‘So much self-discovery and transformation! Words cannot do the process justice!’ FGS UK

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Photo by Alex Blajan on Unsplash.

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