I woke this morning with the realisation I’ve been in a cocoon. I’ve ‘known’ it yet I haven’t known it.
I wrote a day or so ago that what I call ‘spiritual constipation’ precedes an awakening. And, despite the physical IBS, boy have I been constipated!
Truly like I wanted to push something out but just couldn’t. Or like there was a fuzzy kind of cotton-wool-layer-mist thing I couldn’t shift between me and my deepest-highest self.
I’ve also felt an enormous urge for more space. Not a de-cluttering thing but as if my rib-cage wasn’t expanding far enough when I breathed in. And that some of my morning practice writing topics were too ‘tight’ for me.
I put the latter down to resistance, an irritation of ‘I don’t want to do that anymore.’ That something was blocking me from going there when, silly me, it was a sign of needing to expand rather than force myself to repeat practices I was outgrowing.
Discernment, Sharon, discernment!
I know how to discern when parts of my personality send me fake soul messages. I call those parts spiritual-side-winders after the desert snakes that wriggle up and down sand dunes sideways on.
Time now to learn how to discern soul clues in my irritable-avoidance feelings. It gets trickier and trickier!
There was also a restlessness in me; a hunger for more. That there’s something missing but I don’t know what. It’s on the tip of my tongue and I just can’t catch it.
Eventually, as always, I got a ‘download,’ a satori, a rush of information/realisation complete in itself. A download that made sense of my discomfort and symptom-rich experiences over the last month or so.
What’s that old saying about the bleedin’ obvious staring you right in the face? I recently wrote in my journal that I was needing to ‘re-find relationship with my own soul.’ So freakin’ obvious!
Yes, I know you might be reading this as a series of riddles to which you can’t find the answer. Hooooooray… That’s exactly what that pre-realisation period can feel like.
So what did I realise?
By chance last night, except there is none, I watched a spiritual evolutionary video that offered me a panoramic view beyond motivation and manifestation to life visioning and creation.
I know that sounds like spiritual mumbo-jumbo. Please forgive me. I haven’t yet found my own words for the thingees.
Anyhow, on opening my eyes this morning I had a eureka moment!
I’ve been in transition. Like the proverbial butterfly in its cocoon struggling to emerge. In my case, with an up-levelled relationship with soul and my piece of divine expression in the world.
Phew freakin’ phew!
The crazy glorious awesome thing is about seven or eight weeks ago I downloaded the Wild Soul Writing group in its entirety. Little did I know it was the precursor to an evolving path through a wilderness to more of my own wildness!
Wildness in the sense of living in a state of nature; not tamed or domesticated. Wooohooo… more of natural me!
Oh the divine joy of the imperative to get out of bed, I had to, solely to write, solely to express…
Love to you…