There are times when I don’t know what to say. When I’m gobsmacked or confused or changing without knowing how that change will work out.
And I forget that doesn’t happen for everyone. Although it seems as though I didn’t have a choice.
It happened in my late twenties as a semi-detached (in more ways than one) respectable working suburban wife and mother… and as restless as hell.
Searching, seeking, feeling there HAS to be more to life than this!
It’s called the crisis of meaning and purpose. Usually happens more around the forties when some people mistakenly think a new partner, new car, new home or new baby will fix this itch.
When you get called you get called and there’s not a sausage you can do about it. Except surrender to your Wild Soul’s urge for you to evolve into the magnificence of who you really are and your mission here on earth.
I just told a lie. Of course you can resist your calling. For some time I did resulting in more unhappiness and bouts of depression. I can’t know what resisting would do for you.
I resisted because the call scared the shits out of me. Even if you want more to your life than at present, every time you stretch yourself towards that more you get scared.
Even the familiarity of banging your head against a brick wall can feel far preferable to change and the unknown.
But oh the joy of being your own woman. The joy of discovering skills and abilities you didn’t dream you had. The joy of having a raison d’etre and creating a life you love.
It might not look much different to the life you already had to an outsider. Then again it might. Who knows?
What’s important is YOU WILL KNOW AND BE ALIVE TO THE DIFFERENCE.
Eventually, as a grammar school drop-out, I went back into education for O and A levels, psychology degree, psychotherapy training and the rest is history.
That was my way. Yours will likely be different.
And that was the end of it?
Oh no… You don’t grow wham-bam thank you ma’am!
You evolve over time like a bud coming into flower, petal by petal. And at each petal’s opening, there’s another bit of painful conditioned behaviour shed and another piece of who you really are to emerge.
I recently said to my children that, despite my difficult early years, I’ve had an amazing life. And, as my current bit of growth unfolds, I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I’ll have even more.
Love to you…