I’ve been scaring the shit out of myself…
Have I lost my mind? Am I an adrenalin addict? Do I need drama in my life?
NO NO NO and more NO!
As counter-intuitive as it sounds, fear is a good sign that you’re growing in line with your Wild Soul’s urging. To stretch. To go beyond your limiting comfort zone. To become more of who you were meant to be instead of who you were conditioned to be.
Writing that, I hear my Mum’s voice saying late in life, ‘I’m contented.’ And I wondered whether she was contented or just plain bored.
She had always wanted to be a teacher. When newly divorced in her mid- thirties, she explored how to become one. In those days all you needed was five basic exam passes to get into teacher training college.
Did she go ‘back to school’ to get those qualifications?
No, bless her…
She was a bright able woman who could have become a teacher, who could have fulfilled her dream… and my heart bleeds for her. All down to self-sabotage through a lack of self-belief and fear.
I know how crippling that fear can be. I was an under-achieving bright grammar school drop-out. I settled for less than I could be and do too. But my Wild Soul wouldn’t leave me alone even though I didn’t realise it way back then.
Aware my son’s father planned to abandon us both, I learned shorthand and typing. Only did three months of the course and never got a certificate but conned my way into a secretarial job. Phew! At least I earned enough to cover the basics for me and my little one.
That takes Divine Feminine cojones but at twenty it doesn’t mean I wasn’t shit scared. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t fearful.
Do I like fear?
But I’ve learned to recognise it for what it is generally. A deterrent to becoming more of the magnificent woman I really am rather than the limited one I was conditioned to be.
It’s also a measure of your glorious potential that wants to be expressed through you. For it’s fear of how things will turn out… and we humans so hate the unknown! But it’s to be embraced, to be grabbed with both hands.
Now I’m fulfilling my dream to run an ongoing women’s personal and spiritual growth group… my Wild Soul’s Freedom Club. It’s new territory and, to be honest, I’m feeling my way as I go along.
So this morning I woke just after three gripped by fear with those gremlin self-sabotaging thoughts in my head and feelings in my guts. You know the ones…
You’re not good enough… what on earth made you think you could… this’ll teach you… you’re going to make a right fool of yourself aka you’ll fail… ya-di-ya-di-ya!
Did I lie in bed tossing, turning and squirming?
I recognised the crap for what it was because I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping up to a more visible personal, professional and spiritual place. I’m challenging myself to be seen in the Club through working intimately and openly with members.
No-freakin-where to hide!
So I got up, got a hot drink and began to read an inspirational book. Within a short space of time I was getting creative ideas, intuitive hits and some big downloads about what to do and develop in the Club.
My journal was on fire!
You too can transform your fearful self-sabotage into creative and productive energy. You too can open the portal to your Wild Soul’s inner wisdom and beyond. You too can triumph and smash your own glass ceiling.
You too CAN realise your dream and be more of the magnificent woman you were meant to be!
Love and warm wild wishes…
Conquer self-sabotage and smash your own glass ceiling.
PS Whatever you do don’t check out my Wild Soul Freedom Club… You might love what it offers. So don’t check it out right now!