I didn’t know what to say or do. I’m small and hurting and confused. I don’t understand why they’re laughing at me for singing my song or why my sister looks so pleased with herself. I want to run away. I want to disappear… And I did metaphorically.
If life wasn’t challenging enough at times, you also get self-sabotage!
And my biggest snakiest sneakiest self-sabotage is a fear of being visible which, at core, arose from being humiliated and shamed for singing my song. HA!
Even saying it to you makes me want to cry as I remember the bright and pretty girl who came to believe in the end that she was nothing.
Nineteen years’ old, I’m in a Spanish hotel’s swimming pool. It’s deliciously hot hot hot and the delicious water cools deeply tanned me. My son’s father is chatting to the manager sitting beside him… They’re looking in my direction and I hear the manager say, ‘She’s so beautiful!’
I turn my head around to see who they’re talking about.
It was only years’ later that I realised the remark was about me.
What’s your version of what happened with me? How did you learn to self-sabotage glorious you?
In the end, all your self-sabotage and mine is about not feeling good enough and a fear of being humiliated and shamed even to the point of being killed.
YES… It feels like life or death because, in the moments of your conditioning, a part of you has a sword go through its heart. A part of you swears never to be seen again and avoids any situation that might re-create its wounding like the plague. Fear wins.
WTF! How much have you and I missed out on?
Know this is undoable. Whatever crap you’re carrying as a result of your conditioning can be assigned to the eternal sewer… And that wounded part of you can be taken care of so tenderly. It can be nursed back so well to good health that you can reclaim whatever ability, talent or quality you had to hide from fear of the pain.
I’ve done a fair bit of reclaiming the part of me who fears being visible. I realised recently there was a bit more to do because O M G how I hated doing social media LIVES.
So a good friend challenged me to do a few minutes’ LIVE every day for 31 days on a specific topic BUT not a same-old-same-old commentary. Catch me on my business page https://www.facebook.com/SharonEdenTheWildElder until 4 August at 9am doing just that! Or watch the replay. Whichever you do, please do leave me a HI! so I can say hello…
Become even more the magnificent woman you were meant to be!
Love and warm wild wishes…
From self-sabotage to success through the power of your Wild Soul!
PS… Day 9 and I’m loving doing my LIVES. Fear of being visible? Oh that old thing! If you’d love to conquer your self-sabotage, work with me one to one or join a community of women who’ll share and support your journey in my gorgeous Wild Soul Freedom Club.