I’ve fiddled and faddled and delayed writing this. Why? Because I want to explode but, instead, I’m holding myself back frustratingly.
Who are you to come out fighting? Who are you to stand against ‘the way it works around here?’ and ‘you better get it, girly, or there’ll be trouble!’
To keep my mouth shut, to not say anything because when I do all hell breaks loose. My parents have another of their interminable and dramatic arguments.
To do as I’m told, make myself scarce. Yes, it’s great that you’re a bright girl but that’s as far as it goes. It’s too much bother and we don’t know how to support and encourage you to achieve great things.
I stop writing.
That’s such a deep wound.
Am I going to let it define me?
The hell I am!
This is a snapshot of my current self-sabotage chatter. Yes, after decades of personal and spiritual work, here it is again at another turn of its spiral.
So what are you wanting me to learn this time, Wild Soul?
That you’re not going to do damage with your magnificence!
O M G!
I get it!
I associated me speaking out with causing my parents to go at each other hammer and tongs… That their screamingly painful relationship was absolutely and solely all my fault.
For freak’s sake!
I feel eons lighter having just seen this particular piece of my self-sabotage puzzle and I yawn a humungous lion size yawn… A good sign turn-about is about to arrive… YES! Instead of that freakin’ shitty self-sabotage belief that I cause pain and torment…
I CAN express from my own magnificence with an absolutely gorgeous outcome for myself… and others!
You set the ball in motion and your awesome inner guidance and healing energy finish the job off for you. Another level of self-sabotage smashed!
Does it ever end?
What I do know is by embracing my self-sabotage reactions and working with them psycho-spiritually I now turn them round in minutes rather than weeks or months. Not saying that would happen with you straight-away but who knows how far along you already are?
The wondrous women in my Wild Soul Freedom Club recently rated how near they were to conquering their self-sabotage.
After a few months’ work the scores were 9 out of 10, 5 (with increased awareness of having over-scored herself!), 7, 9.2 and 9.75. They’ve all done brilliantly and have already made creative and fulfilling changes to themselves and their life.
Love and warm wild wishes…
Conquer self-sabotage to be big and wild and free!
PS… I only have room for 5 more delicious women who want to get out of their own way and start conquering their self-sabotage. They’ll begin on 21 September to smash it so they can become mistress of their own life story and success! Immediately the Club then closes again. If you know self-sabotage is killing you, explore and sign up here… https://www.thewildelder.com/wild-soul-freedom-club-waiting-list/